I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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