After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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