Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.