I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
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I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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