I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
