pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
