matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
