He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
