Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
