As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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