Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
