You can't motorboat a personality
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
