I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
