Texts From Last Night

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  (772): View more from Florida

  i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"

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  (772): i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?" http://tfl.nu/6u9j
  Replies (20) Good night (914) Bad night (3798)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?

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  (303): I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day? http://tfl.nu/tvel
  Replies (19) Good night (3007) Bad night (713)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.

  (1-801): View more from Utah

  We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.

  (801): View more from Utah

  I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!

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  (801): I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high. (1-801): We could get him to build Inspector Gadget. (801): I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!! http://tfl.nu/5lpc
  Replies (31) Good night (7108) Bad night (780)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"

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  (517): the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed" http://tfl.nu/ho10
  Replies (132) Good night (5155) Bad night (799)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.

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  (314): I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore. http://tfl.nu/n30o
  Replies (18) Good night (4633) Bad night (1080)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.

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  (360): Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time. http://tfl.nu/zvvg
  Replies (7) Good night (3295) Bad night (1013)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life

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  (860): I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life http://tfl.nu/l4zk
  Replies (37) Good night (6118) Bad night (1300)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off

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  (302): Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off http://tfl.nu/cpmq
  Replies (7) Good night (2326) Bad night (1821)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.

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  (512): I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now. http://tfl.nu/d3l4
  Replies (5) Good night (3114) Bad night (863)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized

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  (847): Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized http://tfl.nu/hh8z
  Replies (16) Good night (2646) Bad night (609)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed

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  (715): 1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed http://tfl.nu/vbeb
  Replies (7) Good night (2260) Bad night (547)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have

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  (215): You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have http://tfl.nu/bm9z
  Replies (6) Good night (515) Bad night (1498)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.

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  (913): If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on. http://tfl.nu/4zva
  Replies (5) Good night (717) Bad night (305)
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.

  (1-903): View more from Texas

  Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.

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  (903): Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped. (1-903): Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good. http://tfl.nu/iolm
  Replies (8) Good night (1663) Bad night (275)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude

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  (306): Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude http://tfl.nu/ijqp
  Replies (4) Good night (489) Bad night (338)

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