we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
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It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!