Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
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We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
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He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood