My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.