So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
