I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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