Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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