Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
