I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
