Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i dont even know how to be here
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
