guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You may now shotgun with the bride
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I am available for nakedness
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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