your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
