ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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