That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
