Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
