Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
