omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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