I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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