why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
