Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
