she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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