We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
