He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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