So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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