We need to rekindle our bromance
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
