you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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