so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
