Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
