I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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