Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
