Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize