I can text with my tongue
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
