Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
