My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
