I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Randomize
