im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Randomize
