How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
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Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
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You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
A bitchslap is in order.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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