Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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