in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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