Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize