I'm eating all of the evidence.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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