i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
