tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
