i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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