i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
