one two three fourrrrnication!
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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