By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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