My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
