I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
