WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
