so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
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well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
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I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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