Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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