Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
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