WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
