So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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