I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
