It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
