His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
