Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
