You smell like stripper and shame
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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