watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
