Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
