Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
